When It's Time To Walk Away, by Brian de Haaff

https://www.linkedin.com/

If you are reading this -- you probably are not the type of person to give up easily. Neither am I. You are ambitious and skilled and continue to push forward regardless of what obstacles are in your way. And that makes you successful. But here's the secret, sometimes it's wise to turn your back and walk away. Sure, it's painful to admit defeat but when you are in a "no win" environment it's often the only action that can save you and your sanity.

One of the lessons I have learned working in Silicon Valley for the last 15+ years is that it's ok to walk away. And in many circumstances it's even healthy.

Sometimes the company or product problems are too great or your manager is too straight-jacket insane to work with. It is often wise to move on and pour your energy into something that has a better chance of being satisfying and creating value for more people.

I have recently done this with Aha! (the new way to create brilliant product strategy and roadmaps) and could not be more thrilled as the business is growing like crazy.

However, there have been a number of times in my own career when I identified a big hairy problem and after struggling against it for at least a year, decided it was best to move on. And every time my life has benefited and I have gone on to create more happiness for myself and others. The key is that I identified the problem, spoke clearly about it with those who could help me resolve it, and only decided to give up when it was obvious that they would not help and I would be better off doing something else.

In those instances, giving up meant looking for a new job and moving on. If you are in a long-term dysfunctional environment, continuing to do the same job and putting up with the same crap is disastrous for you and people who depend on you at work and home.

The problem is that when you try to persevere, you are in survival mode and a personal hell. You just don't care about the quality of your work and results anymore. Just walk into the local Post Office or DMV to understand what I mean. 

Now, I want to acknowledge that for some it's easier to walk away than for others. Your level of control depends on your career and financial status and I do not want to overlook that. However, I suggest that no matter your situation -- you do have the power to pursue a different course which in most cases will ultimately lead to a new job that will improve your life.

Let's take a look at how you know the time has come to move on. First, let's start with what creates a happy work environment and job joy. I think that job satisfaction is based on four forms of alignment. The more your job is aligned in each one of these areas -- the happier you are.

And here are the signs to look for in each area that may be telling you it's time to walk away. However, just because you are not aligned does not mean that you can not become so. It's important to consider how long you have been trying to find alignment and if it's likely that you will get there.

If you have been struggling for over a year in any one of these areas, it might be time to move in a new direction.

Alignment with ambitionAre you working for a company and in a role that is getting you closer to your goal? This is a fundamental question to ask yourself and unfortunately most people never do. Because without a goal it's impossible to know if you are headed in the right direction. I often recommend a "goal first" approach to business planning, but it's also the first place to start as you think about your own direction. If you have never taken the time to write down where you want to be in three, five, and 10 years, now is the time to start. 

Alignment with skillsThe most enjoyable jobs fully tap our exiting skill sets and challenge us to grown new ones. Are you a master of the domain you are currently working in or are you on your way? If the answer is yes, you are probably fairly satisfied with the work you do. If the answer is no you, your confidence has likely been battered and you are constantly looking over your shoulder. Now, if you are out of your element a good boss and training can counteract any suffering and help you regain your mojo.

Alignment with reward expectationsThere are two types of rewards and both are important. Intrinsic rewards are based on the personal fulfillment you get out of a job well done. External rewards include your salary and any other material benefits you receive from your employer. Your reward expectations need to closely match reality for you to be satisfied. If there is a disconnect here for too long, you will grow disenchanted with the work you do or worse. You might not be able to pay your rent or mortgage.

Alignment with bossIt's in vogue right now to suggest that people do not leave their jobs but instead leave their bosses. As you have already read, there are many reasons for leaving a job that have nothing to do with your boss. However, I agree that an unsupportive boss is at the top of the list driving folks to update their resume. I have left bosses who: chased employees around the office, did not allow their staff to speak with other managers, and threatened retribution when someone quit. Does your boss have your best interests in mind?

If you have misalignment in any one of these areas I suggest you admit it to yourself first. Next, have a conversation with your boss or a trusted adviser in the organization who you think can help you.

I want to be clear that you are responsible for trying to overcome the challenge and owe it to yourself and the organization to try and work through it. But, if you can look at yourself in the mirror and are comfortable saying out loud that you tried, you may need to move to plan B. If there really does not appear to be a way out and your misery is increasing, it's ok to admit defeat and walk away.

Do you agree? When do you believe it's not only ok, but healthy to walk away? Add a comment.

This years "life concepts" revelations

32 years. It will have taken me 32 years for these two specific "naivety barriers" to fall.

It's strange how through friends, collegues, books, movies, TV... you can hear about a concept your whole life, perfectly understand it, find it rational and yet you still do not apply it up until when you have been abused over and over so much that you reach a breaking point.

Snap.

Why? Why? Why?

Here's the first concept I will now live by. Always ask yourself why? Why, why, why?

For those of you that play Poker, I'll use this analogy: a good player will always ask himself why is his opponent betting so small on the flop, why is he checking the turn, why is he betting so small on the river, why did he take 1 minute to make up his mind?

Hence in life, never, ever, ever, take anything at face value when interracting with another human being, whether they are friends, family and especially if they are collegues / professional relations.

You get a phone call from an ex collegue out of the blue? Even if it's only small talk, ask yourself, why? You get invited to lunch by someone you havn't talked to in years? Why? Someone is keeping in regular contact with you even though you have little in commun, why? A friend you havn't talked to in months invites you to an event out of the blue? Why? A collegue who used to be a political threat to you is now kind and helpful? Why?

Never ever take anything at face value, always dig deeper to figure out what the real motives are. Everyone has an agenda, no matter how cliché this sounds.

It is a sad state of affairs when you need to question the motives of not only colleagues but friends and loved ones, but hey... maybe after a while it becomes second nature and makes it easier.

I now understand that true trust can only be built by asking "why" repeatedly and repeatedly getting a satisfying answer. How many why's does it take will depend on your level of paranoia, and I just upped mine by 300%.

Keep your cards close to the chest / never reveal information you do not have to

Here's a very simple one, that I have not lived by up until today.

Let's start with a poker analogy again: you just won a pot before showdown, do you show your hand? No.

Never ever ever disclose information if you do not have to or if you do not have a specific reason to do so.

Do not think for one second that disclosing information to someone will create / reinforce a potential trusting/friendship relationship between the both of you. Any cynical minded person, or worst, any conscious manipulator, will take that information in and see it as a free win. You are the sucker in this case. A manipulator may even shoot back some benign information to make you feel as if you are both exchanging on the same level, while he's actually sucking you dry.

The core of this concept is: being an open, direct and straightforward guy opens you up to manipulation.

Why should I reveal this information?
What can I gain from it?
What risks am I exposing myself to?
These are questions that I need to always be asking myself.

Both of these concepts basically boil down to trust, and what I only now discovered is that trust is not given then taken away if broken, trust is built slowly and surely from the grounds up... and even then it should be considered as fragile.

Richard St. John's 8 secrets of success | Video on TED.com

Richard St. John's 8 secrets of success | Video on TED.com

Burn the bankers.

I have had men watching you for a long time and I am convinced that
you have used the funds of the bank to speculate in the breadstuffs of
the country. When you won, you divided the profits amongst you, and
when you lost, you charged it to the Bank. ... You are a den of vipers
and thieves.—Andrew Jackson, 1834, on closing the Second Bank of the
United States.

Where are all the old people?

I mean seriously, where are all the old people in corporate life? Ok so you see a few at the top, but it's not like that sample is statistically significant. For every director or vp, there's tons of people below them, but no one's old. So really, where are the 45+, 50+ and nearing 60 seniors?

It's like everyone start's dissapearing at 45... And it's freaking me out.

I'm still too young to find out what happens to the seniors (maybe that's what that locked room in the basement near the furnace is for?), and I can only imagine dreadful tales of being layed off because they're too expensive or don't fit the corporate image or whatever... and then having these "old" (HUGE quotes here) spending the little cash they were able to save up in a company that has 90% chance of failing...

Shit. Any insight here is welcomed.