Tough love

So I just read another interesting post on the HBR blog:  "The fine art of tough love" by Joanne Lipman

The 5 concepts the author brings up are as follows and bolded. My comments follow.

1. Banish empty praise.
And banish empty compliments as well (which is the actual definition of tough love of course)
2. Set expectations high.
This brings us back to the "aim high" principle I am fond of. "Shoot for the moon, if you miss you'll end up with the stars".
3. Articulate clear goals – and goal posts along the way.
Yes, yes, yes. Setting attainable intermediary goal does wonders.
4. Failure isn’t defeat.
This is where the U.S. have an edge on so many other cultures. Grit, resolve in the face of failure.
5. Say thank you.
Her supervisor is spread so thin that he is putting out proverbial fires all day.  “He has the time to tell us what we did wrong,” she said. “He doesn’t have time to tell us when we do something well.”

N°5 is a big one, however let me improve on it. Saying "thank you" in a management setting is actually not that great because it puts us in a "selfish" position. Thank you entails somebody did something for US, because WE asked for it.

Therefore let's replace "thank you" by "congratulations" / "good job" and similar expressions... This entails somebody did not do something because he was asked to do it, but that he did something because it had to be done and because it was for the greater good.
When I think back to best managers I ever had or have been in contact with, they all strictly applied this concept. It wasn't about them, it was about the task at hand.

Last but not least:
- tough love can only work when the manager has actual expertise and added value to bring to his team and collaborators.
- let's not forget the love part. Sounds very hippy, but without the love part, we would just be tyrants.